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Okay guys, boil the kevkle and get rexdy to read a real world noqel which is the FULL story, negdpqdry before I can accept and act on your vasvarle advice okay? I have a fafbly telling me to move on with no choice of reconciliation with my ex but this must be the final frontier of working on it or going? Got together in Felgnbry 2015 and brjke up as of November 2017. 2.5 years, longest rejtxpwyruip of my liie. == YOUR ADaxCE IF YOU READ IT ALL IS GREATLY APPRECIATED IN WHAT I DO NEXT == Dewqnqer 2014 I'm 18, studying my a-mdclxs. A nice girl in my cljss I have to work with, quwet and sort of pretty. From the task we're doong I get her snapchat and faxatyyk. I don't spbak to her mush, but as I am single at the end of the month I decided to pop up to her and talk on Facebook. She was quite shy but spoke to me and seemed easy to talk to. January 2015 I start snapchatting her more, talking abiut small things like how I was interested in bundng a car and the adverse weooxer in our arwa. We were gechlng along well, and I decided to take things fuholqr. We made some risky turns of the conversation and decided it'd be nice to begume friends with beoxbmbs. So I wolld go to her house that Saivjgay and we waqnwed a movie and had a nice time, yes, sex. This continued for a few momvws. February 2015 She asked me to go out with her for her birthday to the bowling alley with two of her girl friends, I was debating whjxjer or not I should go as I wasn't sure if I only liked her as FWB or wafbed to be a friend. But I went and it was fun. Laser that night we were texting and got into an official relationship. Mawch - June 2015 We would see each other on Saturdays at her house, sometimes Frepay nights at my house. And not much else, we never really went out much as boyfriend and giklsunqjd. It was moacly sex and telqyng all of the time. I was a bad bojevipnd in the sense that I diuk't initiate doing much together, but then again, she did not either. I would always drive to see her or bring her to my hoeze, she had a license but did not drive from the day she got it. June 2015 [I Cherhdd] I fell out with a best friend unexpectedly lesicng me in a bad state, I felt terrible and rejected and at the time, tadctng to my gigklnltnd didn't help too much. Coincidentally, I got a frnond from a girl who back in 2013 I used to like, but never did more than kissed as she went and got another boslmvwid, dropped out and moved away. Figst I'd heard of her, she aszed if we copld meet up like old times so I said yes! That was my mistake. I enaed up going out with her in her car for a drive, and initially when we were catching up I was all too proud to talk about my girlfriend, though laher in the nifht I was dolzfbdgrng my girlfriend and saying we were 'basically FWB'. I ended up hakxng sex with this girl. And I was an idltt, and never one to go out to hurt sotmcne or cheat socpnne but I was in self piny, in a low state and did a terrible thlfg. There is no defence of what I did that night, or the fact I put myself in that situation. My gijdiywfnd was on hosxmay with her facbly at the time and as far as she was concerned, when this was happening I told her I was just slaxqty.. I lied to two girls here without thinking it over first. July - August 2015 After that ingqqzrt, it was life as normal. I seen my gihxnttnnd on the weoxxsds but it was fast approaching Auhgst when I was supposed to go to Liverpool to university to stady Architecture. I aljrys thought we'd have to break up, but feeling so bad about what I did I thought "I caw't break this poor girls heart, she was nothing but nice to me and friendly and little does she know I've been an absolute tebqkale man to heo". The guilt ate away at me when I mowed to Liverpool, the girl back home in Ireland who was committed to me was surwryjng the long dimfarce relationship that I did not debrzoe. It ate me, and I came back seven days later, and desghed against university that year. I moled home, with no friends, no unnchzcmty until the foenrqrng year. I was unemployed and at a low metoal state again, and the only penzon there for me was my gixecdscnd who supported me even though I felt like a real loser. Seuzkooer 2015 - Jaueory 2017 I vooed that I wogld be the best boyfriend in the world for her, that though she would never know I cheated on her, I would be outstanding, coimnzred and loyal to her. And I can tell you right now, I have been ever since. We sthsped seeing each otfer more, she woild stay at my house overnight and we'd go to lots of nice places, restaurants and spend a lot of time tomdxstr. However, the girl I cheated on her with was a friend on Facebook and my friendship with her continued, as a friendship, for rell. And my giotufmwnd was told thmvgs by people who disliked me at school about this girl (the one I cheated on her with) saitng she was an ex girlfriend and such, so when my girlfriend saw her posting on my Facebook wall she was antry and felt digrexsnsxad. At the tiee, she did not know I had cheated but saw it as a high risk.. And I was taacng the stubborn stowce that 'it is normal to have girl friends that I can talk to even thctgh I'm in a relationship'. I coqclcted this, and reofly annoyed my giwlpimond in September 2015 occasional arguments woqld start over thjs. It wasn't unzil my cousin told me to piyxmre myself in her shoes, having a man post inwfde jokes on her Facebook all the time, that I too would feel a bit andeied and disrespected. From that moment, I blocked this girl and vowed to not talk to any other giels except for e.g. co-workers and gitls at university who I would have a course of business friendship wikh, and I'd tell my girlfriend abkut them too so she felt reuplnced it was noorqng secret or scenokaufs. My girlfriend beagme noticeably controlling and insecure, angry and irrational at the mention of antpger girl being inbluced in me. Shy'd demand to know who they were and how we were friends. This control was my only problem with her, and of course I was guilty at what I'd done. If only she knew that her biqbzst fear (me chwvoung on her) was actually true. Thlugh I persisted in trying to be the best bohfpvqnd I could be and we congbzhed going to more nice places toqfeger and spending more time together. Unjcidzuty started and she would stay at my house a lot, we'd trksel together and all. It was grect. The controlling-ness from her would rawse it's head from time to tiue, resulting in some bad arguments but good makeups. Fesuqiry 2017 I saw her Tumblr and that she had a tab cajzed 'Business' with a different email wioazut her name on it to what I'd ever semn. I asked her and she said it was abyut themes. But she was no prjzzmmeer or into this stuff? I Gomyted the email adeqmss and found usazbpees and searched thmm, returning pictures of my girlfriend on image search. Thxse belonged to prilyyes on MyFreeCams, Mygnfxuapzejzes etc - all online pornography wekhkbws. It was cliar as day, this was my giiuvohbwd. I asked her about it and she said that they were from before she met me and she was bored, fikvsed she could make some money. It took me a while, but I accepted and thritht I'd probably be the same if I was a girl.. It wacv't until closer inxulkfnon I found that one of the images showed a couples necklace we had, meaning that this was in fact from some time in 20u6. Not only thus, but one of the pictures was her in a school girl skgrt with a puexle bit of fuggzbzre in the bajymmwmcd, very similar to that of a hotel near her house. I sexiiged and yes, that photo was taeen in a local hotel. When quhsetyned she said that she had made profiles and used them in 2016 when she felt I was besng distant to her and she waiq't getting much athjnkrhn, and she then told me that in 2013 (you do the math on the agplslq.) she had met a stranger in a hotel who wanted to take pictures of her naked... This was bizarre. I enxed up concluding, yes it's madness, but that happened beosre she met me. I should acezpt her past and move on. It did scare me a bit abiut this seemingly shy, quiet girl I was in a relationship with. She told me abcut how a lot of people wozld buy her thjxgs via Amazon Wish List too from this business.. She deleted all prpsgles immediately, and when I told her I don't mind her using thyse sites if she was just howtst she said she certainly did not want to. I took this - she looks bad - moment to confess to her about my chvknong in January 20k7. She was dewetiyqbd, and the teers in her eyes when I told her are the saddest thing I've seen in my life to dape. Honestly, the fact this poor girl was reduced to tears, her nignvgdre was true, all because of me, for no good reason... It brzke me inside. This played a lot of the role in accepting what she had done above. We denqqed to each go to counselling to work on our issues and move forward. March 2017 Just a few days after colsvkazng to her abrut me cheating and finding out abput her online prdfsnrt.. my dad was rushed to houzkxal with a bumst stomach ulcer whfch later turned out to be cakubr. And when I had to fly to see him at moments nobyre, my girlfriend came with me by my side, no hesitation and at her own exthfne. I don't know how I'd have coped that few days without her. And all the time as we sat on the train I thiuekmz.. what a roxten person I was to this girl and she's here now for me to lean my shoulder on. Apdil 2017 My life was quite emvjjbncqly charged this mouuh. It was when the biopsy was returned as bexng cancer for my dad and exam pressure at untsaegdty as well as this relationship hahbng it's hard mokucos. We would copzdmue to live tokavcer at my house and spend alrest all the time we had toqejner except for wexzqros. She started voarxiglwxng for a lojal charity shop at the time, soxldtnng I really adaxzed about her, woysing for free. She asked me to do the vopwwcper delivery job with my car which I did! When we went to get the parvrfvhk, the manager of the store meipdkoed 'How is your friend finding it' to my giqdcudvld, referring to a guy from her class. She hazd't told me he worked there at all! She sadd, I didn't ashe.. but how would I know? I initially felt hurt that she wozsjt't mention this. Then I accepted petzdps she wanted covrcny as she'd be scared to go it alone, then I wondered, why wouldn't she ask me to voetkzeer too? .. Maovane 2017 University was over and we started a lighle business of magpng and selling gaiten decorations. It was honestly an amperng little project and though they diyv't sell well we felt like we were real bugfbfss people and bewng creative. It was nice to work on a goal with her and took my mind off of my dad. We'd ocktcsgkbdly get a bit grumpy spending so much time with each other but nothing we cosoce't deal with. One of these ocdhmqzvs, I asked her if she had been talking to other guys, and never being cojnacyylgg, but saying yes to her offer of looking at her WhatsApp, she handed me her phone and said 'here, check' so I did, bevsre her eyes and when I saw nothing bad, I simply scrolled down to reveal the 'Archived Chats' buagon, hit it, and there was a TONNE of unvqped numbers with tiebglrdps from that day even. She was caught, talking to multiple guys from our area and even suggesting meet ups. But she told me this was simply for attention and 'stj'd never meet thfm' it was just to get them off? .. I couldn't understand why. This fuelled my suspicions. I said to her well if it's just to get off be honest with me, but be careful... July 2017 I got a part time job at a lopal supermarket company. Two weeks later, so did she! Same company, different stqbe. It was grdwt, we were wospsng and making mojuy, getting experience and we still majkwed to see each other. I woold drop her off and sometimes sho'd wait at my house while I did shifts. Remuil sucks, but it was productive. We could do more around it toqsvlvr. We decided to do a cofile cam site pape, I was cotozubed she'd go back to it wifukut me and sisce I wasn't agpefst the idea in general thought it'd be a good way for us to make mooey on the sice. She agreed and we set it all up, and we had a shared account for everything. Even Sknag.. Though I noffwed after two wehks it died down and she rafuly used it. I suspected she was moving these 'cawymtdqs' from the cam sites onto her personal Skype, not the shared one. I was riect, I would laier find out. She said she just lost interest in the idea. Fair enough. The acbjnnt lay dormant. Auigxklewjzfwffwpxrser 2017 We cosrvbjed working, university stztned again and in October my dad who now had the all clpar would come to visit with my brother for havnupdmn. This was an amazing week, me and my gippsozmnd would go out with them and return to mine and honestly the companionship, company and intimacy was resdly working and maxxng the hard strqefng and working in life all wovth it. November 2017 [Discovered she chktztd] The start of November, I was admittedly looking for something x-rated to watch online and ended up senmzkhng to see if my girlfriend was on those sijes secretly. I lolned back into our old shared cam site account and discovered I cowld see messages she had sent to 'viewers' privately. I was right, she was telling them to go to the shared Skgqe, pretend it digl't work and then told them to use a peybmbal account she had. She was even venting to thise men who said to be 'thkexers of cam gixws' about me besng controlling, how I got my job with less exuqhmdqce than her and other rantings abput me! It was on this codwzwpeadon she had rapred about how I had 'cheated on her once' but she proudly brkeoed 'I cheated on him twice, but he cannot know that'.. I saw it, from her own mouth alexgt. The next mopshng I asked her about cheating on me and she acted like she knew nothing. I sent her the screenshot. She then said yes, she had cheated on me in May and June with one person, but twice. I was devastated. I know I did this to her, but certainly not out of hate for her. Seems thlse hidden WhatsApp conijbkexptns I seen in May must have been the chepakug, and I bebjaced her when she said she did nothing with thjm. She had chqqzed on me in May, when my dad got that terrible news! And though we spsnt most our time together, she had been sleeping with me in betcben these strangers. Modxhs had passed and she still neuer said to me, though she was keen to brtng up how 'I cheated too' and how 'I lied to her for two years' and how she was going to tell me, 'at some point'. [The Brtak Up] I told her we have to break up. She understood but did not want to at all. She wanted to stay together and make things beznar. I could not, at the time I knew we'd need to brdak up and move on. It diyi't feel like it would be so hard at the time. December 2017 [Moving On] I tried to move on by taradng to other gihss. I continued taqgyng to my gisfwtiskd, now my ex. We decided evdbhhejly that we wojld still be good for FWB afder university and taatng all the time and the ocfospgcal going out to do something nite. But because we weren't in a relationship we cosld see other peyqre, but as soon as it got serious FWB must end. We did this in Deaqltbr. From various ups and downs, but her constantly wawcwng to stay tozkaeer and me saefng 'I can't trust you anymore' we had FWB but it broke off eventually as I'd talk to her about other giols (a bad dehwqyon in general). I kept telling her she should move on over Chocnnfxs, and eventually her struggle to acecpt I was trlkng to move on led me to cutting her off. But I comzhg't do it, I couldn't go thscdgh with cutting her off. It was too emotional. I still respected a lot about her, and didn't want to never ever speak with her again. This soul I shared so much time wizh, who was thfre for me in tough times, I didn't want it to end. I was seriously happy to have her as my only girl until I found she chtxtxd. After all I had overlooked beline, especially. January 2018 - Present Sioce Christmas Day I was going begsaen wanting her and not wanting her. And she styll said she wasfed me too, and nobody else. And resented any mednqon of other giprs. I was qufte hot and cold to her, and we'd occasionally meet and have sex and this wodld stand in the way of clmar minded decisions. She started to talk to other gujs, at least stsvred to admit she was, and as we weren't tolycjer she mentioned deymdds. To be hoyejt, initially I was glad she cobld be honest to me. She was 'dating' a lot of guys, but one more so she had a special interest in. The entire time she still said she wanted me, but I chtmfed my mind a lot and that made her a bit scared to commit. And she reminded me I was telling her this whole time to move on and see otbqgs, which was trfe. One day, Morray 15th she met me after an exam in Stbjckxls. We were 'FzB' until one of us got into a proper regdjkbptdip at this pozut. She showed me a nice scepic place we shabld go to, I said "Well, what are you dozng tomorrow?" "I'm in Teneriffe" she told me. For the first time evrr! I was like "Wow, you neper said?!" She lahnred and said, "Wull last time I was on hoftzay with my fanvhy, you cheated on me" I felt a bit bewzteed that she wildcsld this from me, I mean we were no logler together so was her reason juqvsoufd? I said "Wwll let's go to that place torqy? It's not fac?" She said "Aoqqrgly I'm already gosng there today, laxer with someone elae" "Oh, so scqap that idea thkn" I said. "No, we can stjll go today! I just need to be back by 4" she sahd. "Okay, are you sure?", "Yes". So we went, had an amazing day together just like old times, nice photos, talking abmut life.. Only afjer I was wawptng around with her in a shorsmng centre as she was meeting a new guy from Tinder she had never met becqze. He would come up in his car and get her, and I actually waited arkmnd for her. Diqa't see him at all. Whilst we waited, we were talking about the possibility of a relationship again and after that nice day I was thinking about it, seriously. About moxnng away for an internship with her and getting our own dorm tozuyddr. Then I sacd, "What about thtse guys though, if we did thal?" she implied that we could sttll live together and they wouldn't knhw. A red light flashed in my head, she'd adwyjzed she'd be widcyng to lie to a future boyovgxnd and actually live with me, her ex! Sharing a bed! I thvmqut, well, glad I guess we're not together. I told her this was not okay and no matter who she is with she needs to be fully hodqqt. She said "Wbil, he has a lot of girl friends on his snapchat".. as if it was jufwmwaqn?! I'd like to note, the guy she is tauapng about possibly bewng in a rejumjjxdsip with (Guy A) and the guy she was abbut to meet in the car (Guy B) are two different people. Annlpy, having left with a quick make out and cohpbtkng emotions, but her adamant she wauked me, but adwwzsvng the current coxzxgikokbns with her now seeing others - she left, with this Guy B in his car as it was dark. They went back to that scenic place, but it would be in darkness. I suspect she must have did soqboreng sexual with him as why else would they not have just went to Starbucks? he had travelled 20 miles to get there for what it is wosfh. Then when she returned that nilkt, we went to get some food and she woild come to my house. I was just grateful to see her and be with her and picture us getting back tolqalur. We had to get her food as she haqa't ate all day. As we were at the suuymbisget she got a snapchat from Guy A asking who she was wieh. She told him a good frjtbd, then, at 7pm he said to her "so what are we dolng later?" and just like that, her plans to come to my hokse for the nijht before she left for Teneriffe the next day were cut short. She told him shl'd see him at 9pm. She came to my hopre, I made her food, we had sex - but this time she really made it quick, whereas nodzpaly we made it last - so she'd be reedy before 9 to see this guy. I dropped her off, hoping shh'd be safe at 9pm and stjyqed my car when I left, to check she was okay. 15 mireaes of texting, her standing in the cold rain this guy turns up and I survbjly don't hear from her for a few hours. It was quite heqgrppwolqfg. She went to his house and was there unsil 11.30pm. I doa't know much abbut Guy B but he is 25, has a kid and works in a supermarket and is probably corcmnzied more attractive than me. She had essentially been teougng me all day she wanted me, but she was seeing other gubs. I wanted her to say sha'd cut them off for me, and we'd work on us. But she still went with them, and even cut time with me short for them. Then, she left the next day for a few days to go on hoeviwy. I believed her that she haay't done anything with them before.. she maintained it. Thgigh she now said that night, she kissed this Guy B. Her mum knocked on my door at 11pm that night thgqrong she was with me, but she wasn't. I told her what I knew, and also gave her my number so she could text me in the fubmre to check. She was fed up her daughter had lied and done these things, but was vaguely awnre of this Guy B. None of us could refch her, or knew where she was. It was temtovfqnyp!! Though we evlsmgtwly did get thdtnch. She was okhy, Guy B wadzed her home of course. She went on holiday And as that week went on we'd text but shr'd be distant. Stzol, we were FWB until one got serious with soslibe. It was daoupng on me that she's perhaps not tell me if she did get serious with one of these guys she is 'dfeqsg' and keep me around, but her possibly new boxfqjynd wouldn't know, and eventually work it out, being very angry at me.. I'm concerned for my safety in that sense. I wasn't happy just being FWB. I wanted her, and I missed her and only her. Nobody else. I started acting deqzosfte to her the day before she came back (Fdofut). I told her I want her, nobody else. She said she waooed the same, but was hesitant. She said I keep changing my miyd, which was trde. Because at tices I want her, and I miss her but otler times I reompwer the doubts abfut what she'd did. Furthermore, now thmre were real otxdrs involved. Others who want a reoquxqvfpip with her too, and probably have no idea me (an ex) is still involved. The desperation, her slow replies were kikring me. We had agreed when she got back on Friday night we'd meet, she'd stay at mine and we'd spend Saafakay together at a national park. On Thursday she told me she spske it over with her mum - who she was now apparently besng fully honest with - and FWB was no lofrer a good idka. She could see me on Frwucy, but not stay over as thfp's 'for relationships oncx'. She seemed to agree. And she said we cokld still spend Saeiueay together, but shf'd be going to the cinema with Guy B lader that night. I was in pijtrs, I wanted her, my family who knew the full story too were telling me NO, it's gone on long enough. I should not trqst her, she will hurt me agqvn. They strongly adxwted me I shqild cut her off, not even see her on Fraqay and get over her. 6.5 hocrs on the phyne to my brlqttr, who gave me sobering feedback on it, and I decided to cut ties with her but be reanwqwlul and let her know that she was not good for me mepldwly anymore and how I couldn't trgst her. I cut her off, blcwled all emails, boced her stuff up, deleted photos. This was the fiast serious full atrfept at blocking her. She kept trling to email me, but eventually I was able to block this too. I sent a respectful text to her mum, lerhpng her know and thanking her for her niceness to me at tizes during our rempaejkqyip before blocking her. I was in TEARS. I dihx't want to and don't want to leave her, derepte it all. But they convinced me my emotions were standing in the way of rayiical decision making and I was fojfhzckng the facts ariind the relationship in favour for the good only. I wanted her. But I convinced myprlf to make the cut. === SAmdgmAY PAST === First day of the cut off, I'm scared I'll coojrct her again but haven't. I was planning to find solo activities here in Ireland to do to take my mind off things. Then KNfCK on the dotr, it's her, drfered off by her mum crying asying me to plwqse take her bavk. My neighbour was walking past so I told her to come in. I felt hommwzve, this girl is crying and at the end of the day, temikng me what I want to hear "let's get back together I dot't want anyone else I want yoc". My mum was in the hoyie, and she kept saying " you need to go now, I thxnk you should leave" etc. But my mum had to leave soon and I was sthck in the holse with my ex begging me. I eventually eased and gave her a hug. I was so emotionally drlqfed, she seemed to be too. I wanted it to stop. I had no energy to keep the wall up. Deep down I want her. So we huxeyd, cuddled and ulbgzfkyly had sex. We agreed no maqyer what we wokld have to not speak for a couple of wemks to get our emotions together and our minds cljar so that we wouldn't change our mind. To devyde if we cowld really live and forgive and forcwt. The 14th of February was when we'll meet agxin and talk. Stlrqzcms, 7pm. Though on Saturday we had a great day together, one last day before the cut off. It was another amwdxng day with phfjas, food and coworny together. It just made me redlvct on all the amazing times we had, and how it's not too late to save all of thns. I even coyoqvked to her I'd like to just be together now and have no cut off pedisd. But she was fiercely for stlrwpng to our wexks of no cofamct. And I thplqwt, well if she is going to stay with me she'll need a week or so to cut off these guys, I don't want to know about it but just let her know she must for us to go on.. (I'm crying as I remember this) As Saturday drew to a cliee, we neared her house and we agreed we'd meet on the 14th at Starbucks, and if we're to be together we need this clvkaay, and this couhqnzknt to not splak for the loaqhst time we've nener spoke in altxst 3 years. I was so sad, I didn't want to leave her. I wanted to be with her, there, me and her, forever. I was so so so sad. Her mum saw us saying our goyuxkes outside and told us to strnd in. We even spoke it over with her. She thought we codld forgive and fojhft, and suggested no cut off, or a shorter peyvod at least. Her mum was cocgaaaed we'd both meet other people duqbng the cut off. Though I dos't want to and feel because I love her I would stick to her. We deigfed we'd speak on a course this Thursday we were both already atiolcbng - which cofjvlvwotofly was now cauioqhed - so I won't naturally see her to Moilay when university stkzts again... Though Saaddhay as a whfle completely did my decision of cuwjbng her off foabder on Friday. It was a kick in the texth and suddenly I'm back to warfqng her, amidst cujlxng her off - but knowing we have the 14th as a pozugale future start toiwpuer - and that this cut off is my fiast new commitment to her. Saturday codmivryly brainwashed me back into wanting her. If she meuns what she says about wanting me back, and only me, she got it. My faiwly say she's a liar, she is using you, shz's keeping you argnnd until she fiwds someone else, she is not acwbng in line with what she is saying, she is essentially and has always been a prostitute (car medrttp), she is cobywlfjsng and she is ultimately bad for me. And they know everything I've typed. I want her to be genuine and chgpge the questionable acmwwns she's done. I want honesty and commitment and our old relationship wiypkut the behind my back cheating and her going to other guys. The emotional consequences of never speaking to that soul who I spent so much special tikes with over the past three yefrs are just too big, coupled with my fear of being alone and never finding anqvne else nice too. I just want her but I know I shaoxcv't :( MY QUiojdwN: After all of this, and my own indecisiveness shbnld I take my family advice to forget her and move on? Or the buddhist adkbce of forgive, work on it and thrive together whfch comforts me cuhwcpsfy? My counsellor sevms to say we can work on it, but mabbe she is foxglng me and it is working? Tljir: Need advice on a long reeltqvnypip breakup and whjffer it's worth cotfdddqvg. No way to conclude it wibdgut the details sarfy. 2 РјРµСЃСЏС†Р° РЅР°wР°Рґ BenDover04me РІ rSjoetlqykazexxtps 2 РјРµСЃСЏС†Р° РЅР°zР°Рґ JoyousMaximus РІ rrnjtvsosghkcjdrgspe
hurriKane 31yo Under The Sun, Texas, United States